What do u think of this poem? I Wrote it 4 my parents 4 christmas, advice, comments, improvements, ect. please

PLEASE SEE ADDITIONAL DETAILS FOR THE REST OF THE POEM! HERE IS THE FIRST STANZA!



THE SONG OF SEASONS



Fall



Softly, swaying, silent leaves,

Fall gently to the ground.

Swiftly, soaring, in a breeze,

They rest without a sound.

Rainbow trees of orange and red,

Against the bright blue sky.

Piled up in a leaf bed,

Or slowly blowing by.

Children wrapped up in their coats,

Because of the harsh chill.

Wind whistles some music notes,

Fall truly is a thrill!



Winter



Whispers tell a wish or two,

Since Christmas is near by.

Do you want a drum that’s blue,

Or white snow from the sky?

Snow angels and hot cocoa,

Snowman with a carrot nose.

Gingerbread and cookie dough,

A fire to warm your toes.

Ho, ho, ho - that jolly laugh,

That we all know so well.

He gives gifts on our behalf,

Inside his sleigh of bells.

What do u think of this poem? I Wrote it 4 my parents 4 christmas, advice, comments, improvements, ect. please
Delightful. Keep up the writing. What a loving gesture. Speaks of your talent, love and self worth. Your parents must be about perfect to have walked by your side, this far....yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Reply:I THINK IT IS BEAUTIFULE AND L0VELY
Reply:made me happy reading it [ go for it ]
Reply:Very nice. Couple of possible changes:



Piled up high in a leaf bed [This might improve the metre]



Wind whistles some enchanting notes [Maybe sounds better]



Transporting gifts on our behalf [Again to improve the metre]
Reply:I love it! I write poetry myself as a "hobby" and love to read others' poetry. Im pretty sure ur parents will really like it



x
Reply:it's great! but i bet they take it out when youre older and embarrass you!!
Reply:I think it a wonderful poem

i made a few changes

but i think it was just as good before.



Softly, swaying, silent leaves,

Falling gently to the ground.

Swiftly, soaring, in a breeze,

To rest without a sound.

Rainbow trees of orange and red,

Against the bright blue sky.

Piled up in a leafy bed,

Or slowly blowing by.

Children wrapped up in coats,

Feeling the harsh chill.

Wind whistling some music notes,

Fall truly is a thrill!



Winter



Winter whispers tell a wish or two,

Since Christmas is near by.

Do you want a drum that’s blue,

Or a snow flake from the sky?

Snow angels and hot cocoa,

Snowmen with a carrots for a nose.

Gingerbread and cookie dough,

A fire to warm your toes.

Ho, ho, ho - that jolly laugh,

That we all know so well.

He gives gifts on our behalf,

Inside his sleigh of bells.
Reply:try living in the uk %26amp; make poems about weather
Reply:Wow, you came up with that all on your own? I think it's amazing, no changes needed.
Reply:This is great. Your parents will love it.
Reply:Your parents will be very proud!
Reply:very nice
Reply:What is the point of this poem? Does it say anything that has not been said a million times before?
Reply:I love it; but here are some things i would change:



"piled up in a leaf bed" --%26gt; "piled up in a bed of leaves"

(flows easier)



"Because of the harsh chill" --%26gt; "To bear the nasty chill"

(i dont like to start a line with 'because')



Other than those two things i really like you're poem, you are very talented!
Reply:This is really cute, your parents will love it :)
Reply:Woah those are good



=D I wish I could do poems like you
Reply:These are beautiful! Excellent work! Have you ever thought of writing one about them and dedicating it to them? As a parent, I would feel so honored!
Reply:I personaly like the "Fall" one better.
Reply:Awwwh thats really cute!!! Well done they will love it :D
Reply:It's terrific, don't change a thing.
Reply:Thats brilliant! Great job hun - they will be proud of it!
Reply:Very good, you should get them published.....
Reply:Very nice... i enjoyed reading it... well done.. bye bye