Family Problems: What is the best solution?

I am 23 years old, the oldest of my mothers three children. I have two younger brothers, one 22 who lives on his own, and another who is 18 and not yet out of highschool. My brother seems to have gotten mixed in with the wrong crowd, and I know he is doing drugs. I have spoken to my mother and him both about this because I am real worried that he could get into trouble, and I was basically told to mind my own business. So I did!

Christmas is coming though, and my mom doesn’t have a lot of money so I have been doing little things to help. On Saturday I put up a Christmas tree. Then last night my mom called and said she slipped and fell down the steps in her house and hurt herself. Thinking I was being a good daughter, I called my brother, the 18 year old and asked him if he would be able to salt the stairs so my mom wouldn’t fall again, but he said he can’t. He also said he was leaving so don’t come over. I figured since he would be gone, it would be safe to come over and put salt down for my mom. I also planned to drop off some baking supplies because I planned to bake cookies for my family at my moms (my apartment does not have a stove).

So, I went over my moms, and of course the door was locked, my brother NEVER EVER locks the door, but he did this time because he knew I was coming. So I ring the door bell and I see him out of the corner of my eye peaking out to see who it was, and then ran away. I kept knocking hoping my mom would answer and she eventually did.

When my mom let me in, my brother comes out of his room screaming and yelling and jumping in my face telling me I am stupid for coming over and that I needed to get out. My mom just sits there asking him to stop. After like an hour of this I start crying and he walks away. My mom says “it’s not my fault he is like that” so I told her, that she is the mother and she has the obligation to maintain order in her home, and if this is what Christmas is going to be like, then I won’t be there. I took all my cooking things and walked out.

I spent five minutes sitting in the car crying, then called my mom and told her that after that episode I am done with the family, and have no problem reporting my brother’s drug problems to the police. I didn’t call the police and probably won’t but right now I am so upset and it’s Christmas and I don’t want to be alone on Christmas, what can I do to solve the problem?

Family Problems: What is the best solution?
I am sorry for the way things are going for you. Do you think he is doing heavy drugs? He needs help and I don't know if he will listen to you, sometimes people have to hit rock bottom. But your mother is only enabling him by letting him stay there, and she should not let him act like that in her house. I think you really need to get your brother alone and smack the hell....I mean talk gentley to him and tell him that you only care about his well being and the family. It doesn't mean he will listen and there is only so much you can do. As far as christmas don't punish your mother, you should still have christmas with her. Merry Christmas and your family is in my prayers
Reply:you have an excellent sense of bounderies and I applaud you. I am 4000 miles away from my family this year. I moved here to get away. Just me and the kids. I have the kids, so I won't be alone. I would make plans for Chistmas, like visit some people in the senior center and take a walk in nature and watch a Christmas movie. It can still be a wonderful day:)
Reply:Wow! That really sucks. First of all, your brother seems like an a**. It seems like he is hiding something (hten again, you probably already know that). Second, I undertstand that it must've been really hard on you, but I think that you were a little hard on your mother. Do you not think that she hasn't been trying to maintain order in her house? I mean, you do not live there, so it is your mother that has to put up with your younger brother, not you. No, he should NOT be acting the way that he is, but you guys should not let him ruin your Christmas. I'm sure that your mother feels the same way. Of course, I cannot completely help you out (sorry) since I don't know your entire family history, so all I can say is that you should reconsider your actions. Don't let your brother ruin your relationship with your entire family. I mean, think about it, you were probably not thinking straight when you told those things to your mother...you were too hurt at the moment of your decision. I myself have had plenty of problems with my siblings, but I never let them affect my relationship with my parents, regardless of how tempting it can become. I guess I can suggest that you invite your mother over to your apartment for Christmas. maybe you can find somewhere else to cook or bake, or whatever, but you can have dinner, etc. at your place. You should not have to spend the holidays alone because of some dispute with your Brother. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you sad. Be strong, and you'll get through whatever problems you have...just be patient and open to a little advice.
Reply:It IS your mom's fault he's that way. She's a spineless wimp that has allowed her son to do whatever he wants and trample the rest of the family. Boycott christmas and the family until mom does something.
Reply:Family's can be so cruel - two of my Daughters are treating me so bad at present - I cant help you I am afraid - but remember ,you can forgive but it is difficult to forget -
Reply:tell me... What′s the problem of being alone? Think about it. Think thoroughly.

You are old enough to enjoy a dinner according your real needs. Invite friends, go party, clubbing. Build yourself a great evenning! In your position I rather prefer to be alone at Xmas.
Reply:I agree with the other answerer....I think he is hurting your Mom or is ready to.....I dont think you leaving and not coming back is going to help anything. Your Brother is the Jerk with your Mom being at wits end with him. It is hard being a Mom in that position too. No parent wants to kick out a kid in the winter, and at Christmas....everyday she is praying for a Miracle change in him and probably doesn't know what to do with him. She needs help in this matter too. Yes she is enableing him to do this. And it doesnt help. See what you can do to help your Mom and ignore the jerky brother, dont speak to him no matter what. Go on and do your thing. Silence will get to him and make him realize what is happening. Drug rehab in on the horizon...all things considered. If he is not home some time...you and your Mom go thru his room....(Remember....it is your Parents house and she has the right to check his room....it is not a violation of privacy unless he pays rent on time every month) He is actually a guest in her house even as her son. Go thru the room if you find drug paraphenalia....Break the bongs, throw away the other stuff....and if there is weed in his room....(I tossed out my sons weed and put oregano in its place. Another time I soaked it in Dish Soap) I laughed the whole time I was doing it too....wait til he gets this, or tastes that.....He started changing his ways.......He never did steal from us...or go thru my purse for money....we got lucky there. Most of the time parents aren't so lucky. You enjoy the Christmas Holiday....with your family....and ignore the brother. After the holidays.....put your parents on the spot about your Brother....at that point maybe calling the authorities is the only answer.

Chin up and Cheer UP and be happy it isn't already worse....

Merry Christmas.........
Reply:I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now...I can relate because my mom too enables my drug addicted brothers to take advantage of her and her home....I have called the cops on my brother before ..its not easy but if my brother ever acts up when im there..cops will be called. As far as your mom ...Its going to be very difficult getting her to stop enabling...Its almost like your mom will put up with any kind of abuse that is thrown her way as long as she feels her kid is safe...its really messed up. You have to keep doing what is best for you...dont hang around the house..Maybe for xmas but dont hang around there all that often...If your mom asks you 'what your problem is?" Tell her ...All you can do is encourage your mom to get seek out help for herself...And where is dad? Its very difficult but you just have to pray your mom starts practicing "tough love" that may be the only way your brother will seek out treatment ...once he sees how tough it is living on the streets....No One wants that for their child or sibling but sometimes they dont leave family members with a choice...
Reply:You're mom needs to put her foot down on your brother and get the a** whoopin because he is runnin all over her. If she would have been doing that then you're brother probably wouldn't be doing what he's doing.



I'm 23 as well and I have 2 little sisters. 17 and 14. My 17 year old sister is very quiet and shy but my 14 year old is the outrageous rebellious one. So we argue all the time. I mean she tries to get her way all the time, disrespects my parents and expects me to do what she says. NO.. .I tell my mom all the time, you have to put your foot down or she's going to go wild. I believe she's not a virgin and I believe she's probably smoked before but not seriously into it. I don't know tho, there is no proof. So when she disrespects my mom I jump on my sister and she hates me for it at that time. If my mom isn't going to do it, I am because I'm not going to have her make stupid mistakes.



Unfortunately, it goes that way sometimes. You're brother was obviously hiding something and he needs someone down his throat and sometimes a sister has to give tough love until he moves out and does what he wants. But as long as he's living at home with mama, he's going to have to hear what he doesn't.. that's how I feel.



I feel your pain.. Hope it gets better. :) Merry Christmas.
Reply:I would of walked out too.. it is her job to maintain order.. if she can't then.. maybe is smart to stay away for a while, I had a friend who was doing/involved with drug.. and his own parents turned him in.. it did him good, he realized he was messing up and now finished college, has a good job etc. So talk to your brother.. I mean he is an adult so honestly he should knw the consequences already .. but you can only try. And to solve the family problem.. just be away for a while.. is sad cause is xmas.. but im sure you have other places you will be having a great time and be appreciated to be tehre.
Reply:Sounds like your brother may be beating your mom - time to call the police.