I’m a Sagittarius!! Damn ******* TRUE!
Aries
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
Gemini
And no it's not true about me
Reply:Hellz yeah! :] Report It
Reply:teh who are you callin pain in the *** none of that is true about me and i'am a virgo iam very sloppy i dont give a **** and i dnt make up lame jokes like that u ****** got my mad **** you you ****** dumb ****!!!! i dont clean and i aint a pain in the *** iam very unorganized Report It
Reply:im an born on the cusp making me capercorn and aquarius my moon is in aquarius and my rising is leo
i agreee with the leo aquarius and ccapricorn definition! Report It
Reply:LMAO!!! I am Pisces hear me roar! Screw Leo! LOL J/K! But it is close to me with a few things different but I think that is more to do with the other signs in my chart. 1st is I have internal GPS so I can find my way out of anywhere and 2nd I can find the little dipper to! LOL Yes I do debate things but my favorite come back to people is prove your side because when they can't then who is to say that I am wrong? OH and yes I have a great sense of humor and I can be very sarcastic in a funny way though but I can also unleash the asshole if the situation arises. One thing I have been told is I am horrible to get into a argument with because I don't hold back and I go right for the jugular. But to me if some one wants to start something then you get what you ask for so simply put don't start crap if you don't want to hear things that hurt. Just to point out I will never start an argument ever i would rather just let it go but people sometime persist in it so I want to finish it.
Reply:Aquarius--That was the most entertaining horoscope ever! Although it wasn't entirely true, I do love to be naked. When I was younger, I was often jealous of men because it is socially acceptable for them to walk around topless.
Reply:I'm sag, and there are bits that are true, but not all of it.
You don't really believe that Jesus was a Capricorn, do you?
Reply:Cover up the signs, and each one applies/doesn't apply just as much as the next. No, my sign isn't very accurate.
Reply:HAHAHA Thats the most funniest star signs shite i ever read
im a Aries and your sooo full of shite..well kinda, lol
actually i agree with alot about you said about Taurus, thats so damn true (i cant stand them anyway)
and Geminis" Geminis vandalize their own houses" HAHAHAAAAAAA...Man you make me laugh..seeya
Reply:I'm a Sagittarius, and that is SO me (except for the transvestite thing). Especially the whole vomit/pooper thing. I'm like--look, don't act as if you've never done it before! You can stand at the door and listen if you want to, but I wouldn't recommend it! And I've always thought that about New York too, seeing as I'm from there. And also, it really is quite impossible for me to be unhip!
All in all, it was hilarious, lol!
Reply:Capricorn....And no it's not true about me
Reply:Hahaha Im a gemini
I think its all rubbish...
Reply:im a sagittariuos too! im adventurers and and have tons of nicknames. thats about it. i think? did not finish reading.
Reply:Sagitarrius and yes, it is somewhat true.
The Aquarian one is somewhat true for me as well and Aquarius is my rising.
The Leo one is somewhat true as well because Leo is my moon.
I found the Sag one quite humourous.
It is slightly true.
Reply:I'm a Libra, and the only parts I can relate to are: Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. (I'm one of them).
Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. (I couldn't explain that but I still manage to retain a good deal of brain power while drunk, it's true).
Reply:although that was kinda funny, I find it all false. Although the sag one was slightly true! lol and Virgos definitely was the most accurate one out of all of them.
Reply:Im a scorpio and No its not true about me~
Reply:Sagittarius.
hahahahaha. Dude, that's funny!
....because it's true! (Well, most of it)
Also, I have a "friend" who's a Scorpio...and that description couldn't describe her more clearly. HAHA. =))
Where'd you find this? I've been trying to look for something like this, like astrology humor.
Reply:I'm a Libra and this is very true about me but a couple of things you were wrong about.
Reply:LOL Pisces ....to an extent..
**
Reply:I'M A SCORPIO AND THE INFOMATION IS NOT TRUE! U MADE THIS DIDN'T U? LOOK I'M ALREADY MAD AT SOMEONE DON'T MAKE ME EVEN MORE ANGRY!
Reply:Im a Capricorn, Thats not True about me.
Reply:cap. + that is totally not true. whoever made that up really wasted there time..
Reply:ur a funny guy for writing all that. lol im aries i think wait let me check and oh yea it was true because i do have a creative mind.
Reply:LOL, Good chuckle out of that, it was right on the mark! :D
Reply:virgo and it is so true obsessive compulsive cleaner i can not help it
Reply:hahah I'm a pisces.Some of the things aren't me at all.Others are me to a t.
Reply:I'm a Cancer. I read a couple things that were true, but for the most part that description didn't fit me all. Everyone that knows me will tell you that I'm NOBODY'S doormat! I don't tolerate that sh*t for one second. It was an interesting read though. =)
Reply:You bad guy!
Reply:a cancer. basically true but exaggerated to the effect of twisted. its comical, though. =)
Reply:I'm a Gemini, not a schitzo but people do love me, don't moon people but will fight with a child if I have to, and yes I am loud and yes I do want to be heard, don't drive a funny car but have got into a car rick b/c I was busy looking at a this girls big totos while driving
Reply:im a gemini and it's absolutely true to me :)
Reply:Your a loser ! You were so wrong about Cancer's, jerk !
Reply:Is this some kind of joke?
FAIL.
Rubber Slippers
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
Aries
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
Scorpio and yes it's all true. I am the next Bill Gates. lol
Reply:WOOHA!~!!
Reply:HELL NO!!!! I'm a Sagittarius and sure doesn't describe me! You lost me after "crushing spiders with bare hands"
Reply:Cancer
Reply:Im Gemini.Everything there was nearly the exact opposite of what i am..
Reply:libra.
Reply:No way nothing like me.
Reply:Pisces. Agree with some things.
Reply:Cancer.
Stretching out one pair of underwear for a month.... um for one NO and second ewww that's disgusting! LOL Next Cancers is supposedly the motherly sign of the zodiac.... Ladies Home Journal.. not really me although recently I'd been getting into cooking and giving folks advice. Well my style of clothing isn't bizarre, I like to dress just as feminine as the next lady.
As for being walked over, I am a nice person but there is a fine line of being gullible and treating people with kindness-- there were a few folks who wanted to confused the two with me but unfortunately I wasn't letting them have it, now that I'm older and had experiences with these types. I can go down the line of everything written about Cancer and see where it applies to me but I think I'll stop here as I'll be writing for quite awhile.
Overall most of these isn't who I am despite my sign and I take take these 'descriptions' are just for humor. It's funny!
BTW, George W. Bush shouldn't belong to any 'sign'. Personally I think not only is he is an embarrassment to this nation but to Cancerians everywhere!
Reply:Capricorn
Reply:The only truth I found about Scorpios is that Bill gates is one.
Reply:I am Taurus, Your description is not me not even my alter ego.
Reply:I'm a Scorpio, you definition doesn't impress me, but your persistence in typing 14 pages to get your ideas across is mind-boggling, real dedicated aren't you.
Reply:aquarius and no it doesnt
Reply:TAURUS - May 11...OMG, so like me, most of it, few exceptions that I don't see, that someone else might!
Reply:Um, I'm a leo and that is about as opposite of me as one can get...
Reply:I am a Libra, and that was WAY off.
Reply:LMFAO! I'm a Cancerian and my husband is a Pisces...lucky for him, he won't ever get run over by a truck!!
Reply:pisces
Reply:omg yah! im a pisces hehe ♥ i thenk this sort of theng is fun :-} bu ti also thenk u cud read any of them interchangabee, people have usually experianced everee emotion an character trait soem time in their lives, an myself having taken a survey by my therapist, wus often coonfused between two extreames, am i hardwerking an diligent, or lazy? super intelligent, or adorablee dumb? im both, the human being is an amazing theng ♥
Reply:Taurus, and it doesn't describe me.
Reply:tarus here. thats creepy.
but i do not live in millwalkee ( or however thats spelled) and i hate the bar, and i do not wish i was God. everything else came kinda close.
what are you?
Reply:Haha
that was semi cute
I'm a Sagittarius..
Hell no I'm not hitting a spider with my hands
other wise somewhat on point with the rest..
it made me chuckle..
you forgot to put will phuk up anyone that talks ish about them...watch yourself..
holla@urgirl ;O
Reply:Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers.( I am A naturist That very Adventurous)
They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. (Yeap)
They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. (Yeap)
Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. (YEAP especially while naked) This often includes transvesticism.
Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. (Nope)
Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces.
(not so)
They seek to offend.
(not SO)
Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus (Nah) (((Maximus YES max fun while naked oudoors))). Animals and small children love Sagittarians.
(I guess so IDK)
This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks
( NOPE not a freak or vagrant).
Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts.
(I love naked danceing at full moon around fires does that count )
Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian.
(maybe I did make a bumper sticker kinda that says NIF)
They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
(NOPE)
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad.
(HAHA All getting naked funny)
Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro.
(hahaha I have a GEO Prizm)
The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. (YEAP)
This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York,
(I don't get this one)
NY the most Sagittarian town in the universe.
(((Really Why I can guess that they are consieved on or about St .Pat's day (GO IRISH))))
The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well.
(HAHAHA I LIkeY BUSTY Expecially MY LOVE fickleNIF♥™
another Sagittaruis HMMM..
A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
(NO I am hip to be naked so that very hip)
Reply:im virgo, n its not like me at all lol
Reply:the canser one discribes me alot......buuuttttt, not compleatly. i'm not a slob, tho my consept of 'fasion' is weird. and i'm not a compleat doormat!!
Fun read!!
ALL of thoes are funny!
Reply:im an aquraius and yes i somewhat agree. ok i agree a lot!
Reply:libra
Reply:im a scorpio and that was so not true....i'm NOT hairy lol....but I do like to smoke :)
Reply:oh yeah. i'm a taurus and my husband and son are aries - all fits
Reply:I am a Pisces and I'd say about half of that stuff is true.
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
Scorpio and yes it's all true. I am the next Bill Gates. lol
Reply:WOOHA!~!!
Reply:HELL NO!!!! I'm a Sagittarius and sure doesn't describe me! You lost me after "crushing spiders with bare hands"
Reply:Cancer
Reply:Im Gemini.Everything there was nearly the exact opposite of what i am..
Reply:libra.
Reply:No way nothing like me.
Reply:Pisces. Agree with some things.
Reply:Cancer.
Stretching out one pair of underwear for a month.... um for one NO and second ewww that's disgusting! LOL Next Cancers is supposedly the motherly sign of the zodiac.... Ladies Home Journal.. not really me although recently I'd been getting into cooking and giving folks advice. Well my style of clothing isn't bizarre, I like to dress just as feminine as the next lady.
As for being walked over, I am a nice person but there is a fine line of being gullible and treating people with kindness-- there were a few folks who wanted to confused the two with me but unfortunately I wasn't letting them have it, now that I'm older and had experiences with these types. I can go down the line of everything written about Cancer and see where it applies to me but I think I'll stop here as I'll be writing for quite awhile.
Overall most of these isn't who I am despite my sign and I take take these 'descriptions' are just for humor. It's funny!
BTW, George W. Bush shouldn't belong to any 'sign'. Personally I think not only is he is an embarrassment to this nation but to Cancerians everywhere!
Reply:Capricorn
Reply:The only truth I found about Scorpios is that Bill gates is one.
Reply:I am Taurus, Your description is not me not even my alter ego.
Reply:I'm a Scorpio, you definition doesn't impress me, but your persistence in typing 14 pages to get your ideas across is mind-boggling, real dedicated aren't you.
Reply:aquarius and no it doesnt
Reply:TAURUS - May 11...OMG, so like me, most of it, few exceptions that I don't see, that someone else might!
Reply:Um, I'm a leo and that is about as opposite of me as one can get...
Reply:I am a Libra, and that was WAY off.
Reply:LMFAO! I'm a Cancerian and my husband is a Pisces...lucky for him, he won't ever get run over by a truck!!
Reply:pisces
Reply:omg yah! im a pisces hehe ♥ i thenk this sort of theng is fun :-} bu ti also thenk u cud read any of them interchangabee, people have usually experianced everee emotion an character trait soem time in their lives, an myself having taken a survey by my therapist, wus often coonfused between two extreames, am i hardwerking an diligent, or lazy? super intelligent, or adorablee dumb? im both, the human being is an amazing theng ♥
Reply:Taurus, and it doesn't describe me.
Reply:tarus here. thats creepy.
but i do not live in millwalkee ( or however thats spelled) and i hate the bar, and i do not wish i was God. everything else came kinda close.
what are you?
Reply:Haha
that was semi cute
I'm a Sagittarius..
Hell no I'm not hitting a spider with my hands
other wise somewhat on point with the rest..
it made me chuckle..
you forgot to put will phuk up anyone that talks ish about them...watch yourself..
holla@urgirl ;O
Reply:Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers.( I am A naturist That very Adventurous)
They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. (Yeap)
They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. (Yeap)
Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. (YEAP especially while naked) This often includes transvesticism.
Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. (Nope)
Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces.
(not so)
They seek to offend.
(not SO)
Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus (Nah) (((Maximus YES max fun while naked oudoors))). Animals and small children love Sagittarians.
(I guess so IDK)
This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks
( NOPE not a freak or vagrant).
Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts.
(I love naked danceing at full moon around fires does that count )
Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian.
(maybe I did make a bumper sticker kinda that says NIF)
They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
(NOPE)
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad.
(HAHA All getting naked funny)
Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro.
(hahaha I have a GEO Prizm)
The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. (YEAP)
This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York,
(I don't get this one)
NY the most Sagittarian town in the universe.
(((Really Why I can guess that they are consieved on or about St .Pat's day (GO IRISH))))
The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well.
(HAHAHA I LIkeY BUSTY Expecially MY LOVE fickleNIF♥™
another Sagittaruis HMMM..
A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
(NO I am hip to be naked so that very hip)
Reply:im virgo, n its not like me at all lol
Reply:the canser one discribes me alot......buuuttttt, not compleatly. i'm not a slob, tho my consept of 'fasion' is weird. and i'm not a compleat doormat!!
Fun read!!
ALL of thoes are funny!
Reply:im an aquraius and yes i somewhat agree. ok i agree a lot!
Reply:libra
Reply:im a scorpio and that was so not true....i'm NOT hairy lol....but I do like to smoke :)
Reply:oh yeah. i'm a taurus and my husband and son are aries - all fits
Reply:I am a Pisces and I'd say about half of that stuff is true.
50 things to do at a mall.?
50 Things to Do in a Mall
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream 'MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!'
6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.
8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King..
9. ..but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're 'astronaut food'.
10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from 'Dianetics.'
11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, 'You mean you really can't see it?'
13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
15. Test mattresses in your pajamas.
16. Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft is full of eels.
17. If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
18. Sprint up the down escalator.
19. Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the 'hidden picture'.
20. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.
22. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
24. Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.
25. Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.
26. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them* with your own bottle of Eau de Swane.
27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.
28. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
29. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, 'I see London, I see France..'
30. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
31. Play the tuba for change.
32. Ask the Hammond organ dealer if he can play 'Jesus Built My Hotrod'.
33. Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
34. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will 'give you a really wicked buzz'.
35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have 'any giant crap made out of straw'.
36. 'Toast' plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
37. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
38. Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push you around in it.
39. Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing 'Saved by the Bell'. Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
40. Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling 'scratch one flattop!'
41. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are 'leakproof'.
42. 'Play' the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.
43. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.
44. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real.
45. If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.
46. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say 'Domino's.'
47. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.
48. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
49. Show people your driver's license and demand to know 'whether they've seen this man.'
50. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.
50 things to do at a mall.?
Nice!!! #42 was so tight! Haha!!! Love it! Gud jokes!!!
Reply:Haha, I seriously thought this would just be a copy of "What to do at WalMart" but these were great. Thanks.
Reply:nice...
Reply:Best list yet!
Reply:also if the mall has an elevator you can:
1. sing along to whatevers playing and if nothing is playing sing "its a small world"
2. cup your hands like your trying to hold a small animal and scream at anyone who even looks at you
3. stand facing the corner at least until it's empty
4. bring a chair and offer toiletries to anyone who gets on (mouthwash, hand sanitizer, etc.)
5. growl at people
6. gaurd the button panel, and if anyone asks you to press a certain floor (since they can't get to it themselves) press every button except for their floor.
7. put your desk in the elevator and ask people if they have an appointment
Reply:lmao i love 17. and 19. the most. im going to do that next time in tha mall
Reply:HAHAHAHA! those are so awsome :) ?
Love it!
and dont listen to people saying it's too long
Reply:i wasnt patient enough to read the whole thing so i skimmed through it....they were funny but i wouldnt do them!
Reply:Funny! lol!
51. Stare up at the ceiling loking confused, and see who else looks.
52. Walk around and randomly look up as if suprised by something, and than walk away and keep looking back up there.
Reply:THAT WAS AWESOME!lol
Reply:thats hilarious!
Reply:LOL...those are too funny....I can really see myself doing those kind of things..b/c I like to laugh and make other people laugh..%26amp; I am just crazy like that...but I wouldn't like the consequences....lol..
Reply:ummmm..this was way too long to read. some got a chuckle out of me...but just a chuckle.
1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream 'MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!'
6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.
8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King..
9. ..but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're 'astronaut food'.
10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from 'Dianetics.'
11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, 'You mean you really can't see it?'
13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
15. Test mattresses in your pajamas.
16. Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft is full of eels.
17. If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
18. Sprint up the down escalator.
19. Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the 'hidden picture'.
20. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.
22. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
24. Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.
25. Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.
26. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them* with your own bottle of Eau de Swane.
27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.
28. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
29. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, 'I see London, I see France..'
30. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
31. Play the tuba for change.
32. Ask the Hammond organ dealer if he can play 'Jesus Built My Hotrod'.
33. Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
34. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will 'give you a really wicked buzz'.
35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have 'any giant crap made out of straw'.
36. 'Toast' plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
37. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
38. Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push you around in it.
39. Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing 'Saved by the Bell'. Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
40. Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling 'scratch one flattop!'
41. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are 'leakproof'.
42. 'Play' the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.
43. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.
44. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real.
45. If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.
46. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say 'Domino's.'
47. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.
48. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
49. Show people your driver's license and demand to know 'whether they've seen this man.'
50. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.
50 things to do at a mall.?
Nice!!! #42 was so tight! Haha!!! Love it! Gud jokes!!!
Reply:Haha, I seriously thought this would just be a copy of "What to do at WalMart" but these were great. Thanks.
Reply:nice...
Reply:Best list yet!
Reply:also if the mall has an elevator you can:
1. sing along to whatevers playing and if nothing is playing sing "its a small world"
2. cup your hands like your trying to hold a small animal and scream at anyone who even looks at you
3. stand facing the corner at least until it's empty
4. bring a chair and offer toiletries to anyone who gets on (mouthwash, hand sanitizer, etc.)
5. growl at people
6. gaurd the button panel, and if anyone asks you to press a certain floor (since they can't get to it themselves) press every button except for their floor.
7. put your desk in the elevator and ask people if they have an appointment
Reply:lmao i love 17. and 19. the most. im going to do that next time in tha mall
Reply:HAHAHAHA! those are so awsome :) ?
Love it!
and dont listen to people saying it's too long
Reply:i wasnt patient enough to read the whole thing so i skimmed through it....they were funny but i wouldnt do them!
Reply:Funny! lol!
51. Stare up at the ceiling loking confused, and see who else looks.
52. Walk around and randomly look up as if suprised by something, and than walk away and keep looking back up there.
Reply:THAT WAS AWESOME!lol
Reply:thats hilarious!
Reply:LOL...those are too funny....I can really see myself doing those kind of things..b/c I like to laugh and make other people laugh..%26amp; I am just crazy like that...but I wouldn't like the consequences....lol..
Reply:ummmm..this was way too long to read. some got a chuckle out of me...but just a chuckle.
Ever wanted to annoy everyone at the mall?
Wow, some of you must really love to annoy people in public because I've had at least three emails asking me to give advice on annoying people in malls, stores, and WEDDINGS?!
So I tracked this down, it's a long list, but the more the merrier! XD
Thanks for reading, guys!!! Enjoy!!
Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shlock.
Sneeze on the sample tray at Heckory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
At the bottom of an escalator, scream “My SHOELACES! AAAGH!”
Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.
Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger Queen...
....but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they’re “astronaut food”.
Follow patrons of D. Balton’s around while reading aloud from Dianetics.
Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it’s a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, “You mean you really can’t see it?”
Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
Test mattresses in your pajamas.
If you’re patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
Sprint up the down escalator.
Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the “hidden picture”.
Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.
Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a
At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there’s much meat on them.
Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.
Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.
Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them* with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.
Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.
Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, “I see London, I see France...”
Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
Play the tuba for change.
Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of
Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will “give you a really wicked buzz.”
Ask the personnel at Peer 1 Imports whether they have “any giant junk made out of straw.”
“Toast” plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push you around in it.
Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing “Saved by the Bell”. Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are “leakproof”.
“Play” the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises. Loudly.
Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down. Squawk at your reflection.
Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they’re real.
If it’s Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.
Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say “Domino’s.”
At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
Show people your driver’s license and demand to know “whether they’ve seen this man.”
Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn’t turned blue yet.
Walk up the skinniest stairs in the mall with your arms out not letting anyone pass and walking really slow. Growl at anyone approaching.
Alternatively, link arms with a few friends and march up the most commonly used staircase, growling at anyone approaching.
Find one of the huge boom-boxes and turn it to some rock station. Then, turn it off and turn the volume all the way up. Then the next person to check it out will have great fun!
Set all of the alarm clocks in any of the Bed %26amp; Bath stores to go off every ten minutes on the loudest setting possible.
Buy the largest soda the stores have available, drink it down to the last inch, then stand behind someone while slurping up the remaining soda as loud as possible, when they tell you to stop it retort that you don't like to waste things.
Men, go into women's clothes stores and try on skirts, underclothes, swimsuits, etc. Ask shop assistants what they think (vise-versa for women)
Bring survial gear and "live" in one of the tents in a camping shops. Scream "Help" %26amp; "We're under fire" every 5 mins. Make battle noises as well!
Wear you swimming clothes and go swimming in the coin pool! Wear armbands and a rubber ring for extra effect!
Start a sing along in the middle of the mall.
Print lots of "Fake" money, go into the mall (second floor if available) and throw it all away.
Go into a pet shop and release all the birds, parrots etc. Screaming at the top of your voice "Be free my feathered friends" (DO THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!! – birds have beaks)
Follow someone with children around yelling "mommy I want that!"
Take the money out the fountain while swimming and hand it out to people, spend it or if possible throw it from the second floor (it might hurt someone)
Add strange growths to the giant lego men in the toy stores
Put weird backgrounds on store computers when people aren't looking.
Buy feather boa at a clothing store and hang on to the rail while waving it and screaming "Look everyone I can fly!"
Stand in front of the Gap. "Fall" in repeatedly. Threaten legal action.
When ever someone makes an announcement over the loud speakers cover your ears and scream "The voices...the voices...make them stop"
With a friend, speak in a different language (or make up your own) and make a seen, pointing at signs and people as if they were something shiny and new that you've never seen before. Pretend you're a tourist.
Walk right on people\'s heels and when they look back at you stop and look at the ceiling and when they turn back around, continue
See if a yawn really is contagious.
PERSONAL FAVORITE: Grab some friends and race from one side of the mall to the other.
Now, I personally don’t think there’s enough here, so I’ll post a second one as soon as possible – it’ll be on what to specifically do in the stores!! In the meantime, keep emailing me ideas – I love some inspiration!!
Ever wanted to annoy everyone at the mall?
OMG!!!
these are sooooooo sooooo soooooooooooo funni!
im in LOVE with them!
thnx so much for putting them up!
haha im so going to try these!
=D
teehee
ciao ciao %26lt;33
Reply:Test mattresses in your pajamas.
That one sounds very much like a stunt off the Chaser....You should watch that show...all unAustralians if you like this type of annoynig stunt stufff...Its very funny :P
Reply:that is so funny - didn't get chance to read them all so if you've put this down sorry but you could go into the changing room - make some grunting noises then shout out oh no there's no toilet paper!
Reply:My Good Gosh!! That's the most reading I have done in 3 months...
That was worth it...
It was Kracka-lackin funny!!! =]
HAHAHA!!!
[*] You have been awarded with a gold shiny star =]
peaacee =]
Reply:...This is incredible. haha....Im really going to take a few of these and have some fun...And I live in Minnesota the home of the "Mall of America" it's HUGE! so there will be no lack of space and or people/things to just have a few good laughs with :-) thanks
Reply:Wow i havent laughed that hard in a while!
Reply:1.Cover one side of a shiny half-dollar with super glue or 5 minute epoxy, and glue it to the floor. Carefully cover it with your shoe so noone sees what you're doing. After it has set, move away and watch from a safe distance as people try to pick it up.
2. Make a ball out of compressed detergent soap, and secretly drop it into the large fountain or waterfall. Move to a distance and watch the suds start to roll.
3. Print out 8 1/2x11 pictures of Barney Fife with the words, "Premises protected by Fife." and tape them to all outside doors. Watch the rent-a-cops throw a fit.
4. Lock all stalls in a bathroom and then climb over or under each dividing wall and leave. For extra annoyance put a drop of superglue into each sliding lock.
So I tracked this down, it's a long list, but the more the merrier! XD
Thanks for reading, guys!!! Enjoy!!
Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shlock.
Sneeze on the sample tray at Heckory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
At the bottom of an escalator, scream “My SHOELACES! AAAGH!”
Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.
Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger Queen...
....but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they’re “astronaut food”.
Follow patrons of D. Balton’s around while reading aloud from Dianetics.
Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it’s a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, “You mean you really can’t see it?”
Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
Test mattresses in your pajamas.
If you’re patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
Sprint up the down escalator.
Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the “hidden picture”.
Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.
Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a
At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there’s much meat on them.
Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.
Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.
Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them* with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke.
Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.
Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, “I see London, I see France...”
Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
Play the tuba for change.
Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of
Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will “give you a really wicked buzz.”
Ask the personnel at Peer 1 Imports whether they have “any giant junk made out of straw.”
“Toast” plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push you around in it.
Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing “Saved by the Bell”. Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are “leakproof”.
“Play” the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises. Loudly.
Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down. Squawk at your reflection.
Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they’re real.
If it’s Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.
Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say “Domino’s.”
At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
Show people your driver’s license and demand to know “whether they’ve seen this man.”
Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn’t turned blue yet.
Walk up the skinniest stairs in the mall with your arms out not letting anyone pass and walking really slow. Growl at anyone approaching.
Alternatively, link arms with a few friends and march up the most commonly used staircase, growling at anyone approaching.
Find one of the huge boom-boxes and turn it to some rock station. Then, turn it off and turn the volume all the way up. Then the next person to check it out will have great fun!
Set all of the alarm clocks in any of the Bed %26amp; Bath stores to go off every ten minutes on the loudest setting possible.
Buy the largest soda the stores have available, drink it down to the last inch, then stand behind someone while slurping up the remaining soda as loud as possible, when they tell you to stop it retort that you don't like to waste things.
Men, go into women's clothes stores and try on skirts, underclothes, swimsuits, etc. Ask shop assistants what they think (vise-versa for women)
Bring survial gear and "live" in one of the tents in a camping shops. Scream "Help" %26amp; "We're under fire" every 5 mins. Make battle noises as well!
Wear you swimming clothes and go swimming in the coin pool! Wear armbands and a rubber ring for extra effect!
Start a sing along in the middle of the mall.
Print lots of "Fake" money, go into the mall (second floor if available) and throw it all away.
Go into a pet shop and release all the birds, parrots etc. Screaming at the top of your voice "Be free my feathered friends" (DO THIS AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!! – birds have beaks)
Follow someone with children around yelling "mommy I want that!"
Take the money out the fountain while swimming and hand it out to people, spend it or if possible throw it from the second floor (it might hurt someone)
Add strange growths to the giant lego men in the toy stores
Put weird backgrounds on store computers when people aren't looking.
Buy feather boa at a clothing store and hang on to the rail while waving it and screaming "Look everyone I can fly!"
Stand in front of the Gap. "Fall" in repeatedly. Threaten legal action.
When ever someone makes an announcement over the loud speakers cover your ears and scream "The voices...the voices...make them stop"
With a friend, speak in a different language (or make up your own) and make a seen, pointing at signs and people as if they were something shiny and new that you've never seen before. Pretend you're a tourist.
Walk right on people\'s heels and when they look back at you stop and look at the ceiling and when they turn back around, continue
See if a yawn really is contagious.
PERSONAL FAVORITE: Grab some friends and race from one side of the mall to the other.
Now, I personally don’t think there’s enough here, so I’ll post a second one as soon as possible – it’ll be on what to specifically do in the stores!! In the meantime, keep emailing me ideas – I love some inspiration!!
Ever wanted to annoy everyone at the mall?
OMG!!!
these are sooooooo sooooo soooooooooooo funni!
im in LOVE with them!
thnx so much for putting them up!
haha im so going to try these!
=D
teehee
ciao ciao %26lt;33
Reply:Test mattresses in your pajamas.
That one sounds very much like a stunt off the Chaser....You should watch that show...all unAustralians if you like this type of annoynig stunt stufff...Its very funny :P
Reply:that is so funny - didn't get chance to read them all so if you've put this down sorry but you could go into the changing room - make some grunting noises then shout out oh no there's no toilet paper!
Reply:My Good Gosh!! That's the most reading I have done in 3 months...
That was worth it...
It was Kracka-lackin funny!!! =]
HAHAHA!!!
[*] You have been awarded with a gold shiny star =]
peaacee =]
Reply:...This is incredible. haha....Im really going to take a few of these and have some fun...And I live in Minnesota the home of the "Mall of America" it's HUGE! so there will be no lack of space and or people/things to just have a few good laughs with :-) thanks
Reply:Wow i havent laughed that hard in a while!
Reply:1.Cover one side of a shiny half-dollar with super glue or 5 minute epoxy, and glue it to the floor. Carefully cover it with your shoe so noone sees what you're doing. After it has set, move away and watch from a safe distance as people try to pick it up.
2. Make a ball out of compressed detergent soap, and secretly drop it into the large fountain or waterfall. Move to a distance and watch the suds start to roll.
3. Print out 8 1/2x11 pictures of Barney Fife with the words, "Premises protected by Fife." and tape them to all outside doors. Watch the rent-a-cops throw a fit.
4. Lock all stalls in a bathroom and then climb over or under each dividing wall and leave. For extra annoyance put a drop of superglue into each sliding lock.
Jingle flipping bells!?!?!?
Okay, the song Jingle Bells is raising many ?s in my house. In the lines "over the fields we go laughing all the way," some versions have actual laughter. My sister says they say hey hey, my mom says they say ho ho ho, and I say ha ha ha! Whos right?
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Jingle flipping bells!?!?!?
depends on what nationality your singing it from
Reply:ahh theres actually to ways and that is ho ho ho and ha ha ha;; but i think originally it was ho ho ho and people just kind of rushed it and it turned in to ha ha ha. But laughing is laughing! Merry Christmas
Reply:ha ha ha!
Reply:You are right its ha ha ha, they are laughing, not ho hoing, or hey heying. You win
get well flowers
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Jingle flipping bells!?!?!?
depends on what nationality your singing it from
Reply:ahh theres actually to ways and that is ho ho ho and ha ha ha;; but i think originally it was ho ho ho and people just kind of rushed it and it turned in to ha ha ha. But laughing is laughing! Merry Christmas
Reply:ha ha ha!
Reply:You are right its ha ha ha, they are laughing, not ho hoing, or hey heying. You win
get well flowers
Drum jingle bells?
i need sheet music for jingle bells for the drums!i can't find it anywhere!!!
asap pls! and thanks in advanced. i need it for christmas eve--learned!
if you can give me a link for some i would be so greatful!
best answers = 10 pts!
Drum jingle bells?
I just went on-line and found it like 3 times...that's an easy find
Good luck!
Just try to google or yahoo:drums/jingle bells/sheet music...or any of those combinations
asap pls! and thanks in advanced. i need it for christmas eve--learned!
if you can give me a link for some i would be so greatful!
best answers = 10 pts!
Drum jingle bells?
I just went on-line and found it like 3 times...that's an easy find
Good luck!
Just try to google or yahoo:drums/jingle bells/sheet music...or any of those combinations
Is this a fair assessment of a Liberal?
This is an interpretation of what a good liberal believes. Do you think it is true or false, and if ALL of it is false or SOME of it is false, where, and why?How to Be a Good Liberal
You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on
demand.
You have to believe that businesses create oppression and
governments create prosperity.
You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean Communists.
You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, Thomas Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell.
You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
You have to believe that conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
You have to believe that it's okay to give federal workers Christmas Day off but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."
You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast right wing conspiracy
Is this a fair assessment of a Liberal?
WOW, did you write this? It's pretty scathing. The only problem with the sarcasm is that it is based upon truth.
I would have to say it is a relatively accurate description of the liberal agenda. I'm sure thay have an equally descriptive essay on conservatives.
Reply:That was pretty good but left a few things out,LMAO
Reply:I am tired of this one. This one sounds like a repeat of my show. And I thought Hannity was ripping me off!!!
I don't no anyone who believes that crap. It's just something I say on the show to get people fired up
Reply:It's typical, vintage Rush-speak, aka bull ****.
Reply:All true.
Reply:They're worse than that..
Why is your list so short?
Don't hold back just to be nice.
Reply:LMAO!!!
Reply:Many people call me "liberal", so maybe I should answer.
The dictionary says liberal means "open to new behavior or opinions and willing to discard traditional values". I find your rhetoric completely asinine.
Maybe I am more "conservative" than I thought!
Reply:This is an awesome assessment, and just goes to show how ridiculous and off their mentality is!
Reply:Conservatives believe in a lot of what you just stated liberals believe in. So, I disagree. You can make similar arguments against those so-called conservative values (i.e. call themselves pro-life but are anti-gun control)
Each have conflicting beliefs.
Reply:BINGO! We have a winner!
Of course, libs are gonna just HATE it - LOL!
Reply:YES, After careful consideration of the fore going statements, I have reached the conclusion that they
are a fair and honest assessment of a Liberal. A M E N!!
Reply:somebodies biased
Reply:For each statement you made, anyone reading this should write down the opposite of each one and read it. Then decide what is
the truth.
Reply:actually is just a part of you brain that is badly damaged
You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on
demand.
You have to believe that businesses create oppression and
governments create prosperity.
You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean Communists.
You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.
You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E. Lee, Thomas Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell.
You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
You have to believe that conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.
You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.
You have to believe that it's okay to give federal workers Christmas Day off but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."
You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast right wing conspiracy
Is this a fair assessment of a Liberal?
WOW, did you write this? It's pretty scathing. The only problem with the sarcasm is that it is based upon truth.
I would have to say it is a relatively accurate description of the liberal agenda. I'm sure thay have an equally descriptive essay on conservatives.
Reply:That was pretty good but left a few things out,LMAO
Reply:I am tired of this one. This one sounds like a repeat of my show. And I thought Hannity was ripping me off!!!
I don't no anyone who believes that crap. It's just something I say on the show to get people fired up
Reply:It's typical, vintage Rush-speak, aka bull ****.
Reply:All true.
Reply:They're worse than that..
Why is your list so short?
Don't hold back just to be nice.
Reply:LMAO!!!
Reply:Many people call me "liberal", so maybe I should answer.
The dictionary says liberal means "open to new behavior or opinions and willing to discard traditional values". I find your rhetoric completely asinine.
Maybe I am more "conservative" than I thought!
Reply:This is an awesome assessment, and just goes to show how ridiculous and off their mentality is!
Reply:Conservatives believe in a lot of what you just stated liberals believe in. So, I disagree. You can make similar arguments against those so-called conservative values (i.e. call themselves pro-life but are anti-gun control)
Each have conflicting beliefs.
Reply:BINGO! We have a winner!
Of course, libs are gonna just HATE it - LOL!
Reply:YES, After careful consideration of the fore going statements, I have reached the conclusion that they
are a fair and honest assessment of a Liberal. A M E N!!
Reply:somebodies biased
Reply:For each statement you made, anyone reading this should write down the opposite of each one and read it. Then decide what is
the truth.
Reply:actually is just a part of you brain that is badly damaged
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